Monday, June 11, 2007

Herein lies the legacy of Whistle's "Transformation"

"Best" Track-Hello Skeezer

Worst Track-Mirror of Love

Bleh. This whole Whistle Week thing was a fun idea when we were simply bandying it about and making fun of the shitty music we were casually skimming over. But now that I have to actually delve into this shithole that is their second album, I find myself regretting constantly for going along with all this. However, I have an obligation to fulfill, so dammit I'm gonna do it.

So here we are at Whistle's second album, which is entitled "Transformation". I'm assuming the album title is in reference to the group's movement towards R&B and away from hip-hop, which is strange for a couple reasons:
For one, the album is a split between this "new" R&B Whistle and the "old" Hip-Hop Whistle, though there is actually more time spent on the album doing Whistle's equivalent of Hip-Hop rather than the R&B crooning that makes up the first five songs.
Secondly, I'm pretty sure they were doing this stuff on the first album too, though I'll have to wait on Eli's review to be certain, so I don't know how much of a "transformation" was taking place, especially since none of the lyrics on the title track make any reference to any of this, but more on that stuff in a minute.

First, let me tell you now that none of this shit is any good at all. The album divides itself into two halves, which I would call "Bad and Worse" if the worst stuff wasn't actually at the beginning. All of the R&B joints suck rightous testicles, whether they are more uptempo like Falling in Love or Is this Love (notice a trend in these song titles) or ballads like Right Next to Me, Still My Girl, or the especially heinous Mirror of Love, they all exemplify the same thing. These guys aren't especialy good singers, and their songwriting is glossy schlock of the most pussified variety. The worst offender of this lot, and therefore of the album, is certainly the aforementioned Mirror of Love. All the ballads were excruciating, but this one makes it worse by bringing in an especially shitty female singer to "duet" with whoever is singing on this song that is actually from Whistle (that's another thing, as far as I can tell these guys, as indistinguishable as they are when rapping, just sound like one damn person when the singing is going on), and some truly atrocious synth lines are added to the mix, which only make the lyrics about how "the mirror of love is cracked" pour salt into the open wound that is this song. Good lord.

So, nothing else really to be said about the other R&B tracks other than that they are minutely more tolerable than Mirror of Love, we move on to the Hip-Hop half of the album, and...Surprise! It sucks balls too. It's all bunch of sub-Run DMC style brag rapping about how good either they or their DJ (who gets his own tribute song on One and Only) are, or just talk about trying to get with chicks that will later do them wrong on the R&B joints. It all blows, but more in a "god this is really fucking boring" kind of way rather than the "writhing in pain and tearing at my eardrums" kind of way the first half did. It also seems like the band ran out of material, since all of the songs run between 4-5 minutes until last two songs, which run at two-and-a-half and one-and-a-half minutes respectively, the final track And This is True (what is true you ask? That they are Whistle apparently, since that's all I was told in this song), just features one of the rappers (maybe Doobie, which was the only name I could pick out, they're all just as bad as each other) giving a terribly stilted rap about his idea of what rap is, over a track that is a mesh of horribly awkard soul singers, an especially loud snare drum, and some random electric guitar lines put in for no discernable reason.

Which brings me to the production, and I think you know by now what I'm gonna say about it. Let me just say this: with one exception, there is an loud, incredibly dated snare drum sound in every song, no matter what kind it may be (the one exception is Right Next to Me, which has enough vomit-inducing string sections to make up for it), the DJ-ing, in spite of what the boys might tell you, is not impressive. These are all mostly your typical old-school rap stuff, with some bongos thrown in on B-Boy, which I would say would be the best production on the album, though that's not saying much. I guess the best track would have to be the two-and-a-half minute Hello Skeezer, which is just the guys talking about these women (who are the skeezers here), but it gets best track because it's shorter than the others without being insufferably annoying like the final cut is.

Look, I've already written more on this album than I did on Outkast's infinitely better debut, and that's just a waste. It sucks, don't buy it, Whistle is a horrible group that will hopefully never see the light of day again. I'll give this bitch the 2 out of 10 she so richly deserves, it'd be a 1 but the second side isn't quite as heinous as the first.

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