Monday, July 30, 2007

Hovstradamus: The 5 Best Lyrical Jokes Jigga Had on the World

So, I had myself the beginnings of a piece that was going to do nothing but take cheap shots at Straight Checkin Em and proceed to actually attempt an argument at why T-Pain was better than KRS-One. Perhaps I'll still finish and publish it one of these days, but for the moment, I'll make myself content by assuming that Straight was joking as much as my original post that flared him was. I just finished the Harry Potter book, so to try and take that kid seriously is more fantasy than I can deal with. Besides, like Jay-Z, I'm doing best just to stay hater-free*, so I'll leave it for another day.

HEY!

Speaking of Jay-Z, the more I listen, the more I'm inclined to think that certain lines have to be the biggest practical jokes over. Like, dude could look into the future, then he laid out those lines. I mean, it's either that or the man was an unfortunate victim to immediate ironies and uttered some of the most humorous contradictions/predictions ever. You decide.


1. Jay-Z & R.Kelly-"It Ain't Personal"

Man, they go and tell me, like
You never know who your true friends until you, ah umm,
Both got a little bit of money.
I mean cause y'all both broke,
Then there's no strain on the relationship, y'all both broke.
And if you got money and he ain't got no paper
He still needs you so you'll never know how he really feel about you.
When y'all both get some paper, you'll see...

Taken from the first collaborative album with R. Kelly, Jay-Z must've penned this verse as some sort of crazy caveat concerning their relationship if they were to make another album. When they did, and this occurred, it was as Jay had predicted. Just replace "broke" with "pretty damn rich" and "got money" to "stanky rich," and you've pretty much got the tale of the Best of Both Worlds Tour.
The best part? The two haven't done anything together since then. Try and tell me that "it ain't personal."



2. Jay-Z-"So Ghetto"

You see I live for the love of the street,
Rap to the ruggedest beats.

Maybe he thought no one would notice? Or maybe, just maybe, Jay knew that he would shirk off the Primoes and Skis completely for Pharrells and 'Yes. Maybe he knew that he would record the intro for that Fallout Boy album. And maybe he even knew that, somehow, four years later one of the hardest songs he'd do would be made by the guy who scored the Dixie Chicks a grammy this year. And just by the time his fans got the joke, they got "Umbrella" stuck in their head and forgot all about it.


3. Scarface feat. Jay-Z and Memphis Bleek

We'll get right into the proceedings this evening

0:00-the track begins
0:07-the above mentioned line is stated
0:45-Jay-Z stops talking and actually proceeds with the rapping



4. Jay-Z-"Momet Of Clarity"

Truthfully I wanna rhyme like Common Sense
But I did five mill' - I ain't been rhymin like Common since

Unless, you know, you count spitting weak bullshit rhymes over whack-ass Kanye West beats rhyming like Common. But he couldn't have seen that coming...could he?


5. Memphis Bleek feat. Jay-Z-"Dear Summer"

Gimme couple years, shit I might just sneak in,
A couple words and like peaches and herb,
We'll be reunited and it feels so hood.
Have the whole world saying "How you still so good?"

Funny, that's exactly. what . the . critics . said.
Or Jay-Z, with all his silly dry humor, decided to make Kingdom Come flop, just so we could appreciate that line of his a little bit more...


Food for thought. You know, mull it over for a bit.








*But still, watch what you say to me.

19 comments:

Henry Casey said...

Now that's a great post. I'd say having him on Kanye's "Never Let You Down" is also pretty much in this category except that his lyrics are so damn unspecific on his verse.

Prof. Nazty Fresh said...

Yeah, somehow kanye got a whole lot of talent and managed to get all of them to say a whole lotta nothing on college dropout.

Still a great album though.

Kwis said...

Great post. That jay verse was reused from something else.

Renato Pagnani said...

WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS GONE?!

Anonymous said...

Ours is an envionment where evil is perceived to be rewarded while good is punished. As with everything the Gods have a reason for creating this perception::::
People who fall on the good side of the good/evil scale have more favor, and when they do something wrong the Gods punish them BECAUSE THEY WANT THEM TO LEARN. The Gods want them to receive this feedback in hope they make corrections and begin to behave appropriately. The Gods DON'T like evil and refuse to grant this feedback.
EVERYBODY pays for what they do wrong, only evil people must wait until their next life before they will experience the wrath of the Gods, manifested in their reincarnation as a lower form of life into environments with increased/enhanced temptations.
Sadly, this allows the Gods to position this perception of evil rewarded as temptation, one which they use as an EXTREMELY effective corruptor.

Both Africa and the Medittereanean are regions which have sexual issues. This is a sign of morbid disfavor once you understand that females are the God's favored gender. Muhammad's (Mohammed's) polygamy halfway through his life as a prophet was preditory. Now a huge percentage of Muslims believes in male superiority and that the abuse of women is God's will. Female genital mutilation is still practiced in Africa. Black misogyny is the most eggregious example in the recent past.
Black member size is temptation to a predisposed population.
The patriarchal cancer spread throughout Europe because of Christianity, of which the majority of policy makers were Italian men. Expect the largest landowner in Europe and the continent's original superpower also played a major role in African slavery.

Militancy in Africa is consistant with the Iraqi example, as was slavery and the KKK here in America:::Fear enforces proper behavior. Without it we see what happens as a result of gross/morbid disfavor:::::AIDS, crack babies, dead young men in gangland retaliation killings. This is the purpose behind many black's historical tendancy towards resistance.
The same principle was true in Europe and throughout the world for centuries:::People whom lived under iron fists were conditioned to think the right way. As a result they experienced higher numbers of children ascend into heaven because they were taught to think and behave appropriately, which they passed on to their children. Our preditory envionment of "freedom" was the primary purpose the Gods had when implimenting this strategy that is the United States, one which they used to spred the cancer of democracy and westernization throughout the world. And the Gods use this tool that is America to prey on the disfavored both at home and abroad:::Much like the ghetto, America in general experiences a heightened level of temptation due to the people's disfavor.

Even the Old Testiment is not to be taken literally, but the Gods do offer clues throughout to help the disfavored:::The apple is a tool of temptation used to corrupt Adam and Eve and cast them out of the Garden of Eden.
There is another lesson to be learned from this passage, and it is quite similar to the vailing issue and the discourse over women's attire which ultimately died in the 70s:::Women are responsible for and control the fate of mankind.

Think about what I say. Consider what I teach. Society is going to become disturbingly ugly as we approach the Apocalypse due to spiralling, runaway disfavor.
I do not know when this will occurr, but it is the God's way to grant some time before they end on Planet Earth.
Make the decision to always be good and never look back. Until you do this technology will employ tactics to test your resolve:::Ridicule, beligerance, doubt and refusal to abandon what people perceive to be their "investment".
Pray daily. Think appropriately. Too many are confident, unaware of the God's awesome powers or their status as antients. Others may fall prey to their positioning.
Be humbled, God-fearing and beware of the God's temptations, for everyone is tested to evaluate their worthiness.
Search rest

Anonymous said...

Ours is an envionment where evil is perceived to be rewarded while good is punished. As with everything the Gods have a reason for creating this perception::::
People who fall on the good side of the good/evil scale have more favor, and when they do something wrong the Gods punish them BECAUSE THEY WANT THEM TO LEARN. The Gods want them to receive this feedback in hope they make corrections and begin to behave appropriately. The Gods DON'T like evil and refuse to grant this feedback.
EVERYBODY pays for what they do wrong, only evil people must wait until their next life before they will experience the wrath of the Gods, manifested in their reincarnation as a lower form of life into environments with increased/enhanced temptations.
Sadly, this allows the Gods to position this perception of evil rewarded as temptation, one which they use as an EXTREMELY effective corruptor.

Both Africa and the Medittereanean are regions which have sexual issues. This is a sign of morbid disfavor once you understand that females are the God's favored gender. Muhammad's (Mohammed's) polygamy halfway through his life as a prophet was preditory. Now a huge percentage of Muslims believes in male superiority and that the abuse of women is God's will. Female genital mutilation is still practiced in Africa. Black misogyny is the most eggregious example in the recent past.
Black member size is temptation to a predisposed population.
The patriarchal cancer spread throughout Europe because of Christianity, of which the majority of policy makers were Italian men. Expect the largest landowner in Europe and the continent's original superpower also played a major role in African slavery.

Militancy in Africa is consistant with the Iraqi example, as was slavery and the KKK here in America:::Fear enforces proper behavior. Without it we see what happens as a result of gross/morbid disfavor:::::AIDS, crack babies, dead young men in gangland retaliation killings. This is the purpose behind many black's historical tendancy towards resistance.
The same principle was true in Europe and throughout the world for centuries:::People whom lived under iron fists were conditioned to think the right way. As a result they experienced higher numbers of children ascend into heaven because they were taught to think and behave appropriately, which they passed on to their children. Our preditory envionment of "freedom" was the primary purpose the Gods had when implimenting this strategy that is the United States, one which they used to spred the cancer of democracy and westernization throughout the world. And the Gods use this tool that is America to prey on the disfavored both at home and abroad:::Much like the ghetto, America in general experiences a heightened level of temptation due to the people's disfavor.

Even the Old Testiment is not to be taken literally, but the Gods do offer clues throughout to help the disfavored:::The apple is a tool of temptation used to corrupt Adam and Eve and cast them out of the Garden of Eden.
There is another lesson to be learned from this passage, and it is quite similar to the vailing issue and the discourse over women's attire which ultimately died in the 70s:::Women are responsible for and control the fate of mankind.

Make the decision to always be good and never look back. Until you do this technology will employ tactics to test your resolve:::Ridicule, beligerance, doubt and refusal to abandon what people perceive to be their "investment".
Pray daily. Think appropriately. Too many are confident, unaware of the God's awesome powers or their status as antients. Others may fall prey to their positioning.
Be humbled, God-fearing and beware of the God's temptations, for everyone is tested to evaluate their worthiness.
Search rest

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Anonymous said...

The gods instructed Pharroh to give the Jews gold as temptation, and it worked.
So unlike Pharroh, but an effective corruptor which allowed the gods to justify 40 years of warmongering under Joshua. This caused another host of problems to befall the Jews as well.
What a bunch of dumb-ass kikes. The gods used them as "minor partners" with the Italians in the destruction of Planet Earth through "Western Civilization", leading us to where we are today.

Even as peasant farmers we could be lulled::Good weather, bountiful harvests, etc. This is what old-world preachers were good for.
This stereotypical preacher had classic preaching styles:::Loud, damnation-fueled teachings. Contrast to today, preachers who are lulling the Damned into cruise control. The old-world style was important to snap people out of complacency. Unfortunately, in today's enviornment people consider this style insulting, and they lose a precious message designed for the favored of yesterday.

The Republicans got tired of being fingered for the corrupt trash they are and this time around timed the crisis so it would fall into the Democrat's lap with the bailout scandal. Republican donors/friends enjoyed enrichment at the expense of the taxpayer, as we saw with the S&L Scandal in the 80s, but this time they dodged the scorn associated and tried to unload it on the opposing party.
The real estate scandal was different, but fools who do what they are told greased the wheels of this crisis. Now they have the information they need, been foreclosed on and evicted, and are left holding an empty bag labeled "immortality".
The gods played both sides of this event, and those to whom they sold the real estate scam to in the 90s profiteered in the 2000s when the sub-prime machine flew into full gear during the peak of the market in 05-07. But we are all judged for our behavior, real or clone host, and despite perception of priveledge those who participated will suffer poetic justice, unless they have slipped into Damnation and are no longer eligible for punishment.
The gods position their theater like this for a reason::::This alienates the masses who flock to the party of evil liberalism while using the Republicans to prepare for god's will with governmental insolvency and the destruction of the true "evil empire".


The United States is a dumping ground for the disfavored. THis was how it was used during European immigration, this is how it is used today.
The Japanese Earthquake/Tsunami of 3/11/11 was actuslly a good sign for the people. Alarming because it came decades after their most recent admitted atrocities during WWII, at least they will experience corrective punishment, whereas the United States won't be as lucky.
Russia too enjoyed corrective punishment for the 1980 invasion of Afghanistan.
THere is something about this country. Interferring/injuring the Afghan people incurrs he god's wrath. It cost the SOviets their protection of communism. Now the gods have leveled the playing field among the last few white peoples who still enjoyed it on their way to a homogeneous global enviornment. If I am right about the United States we won't be as lucky. When we go down it will be for good, and there will be no recovery.
Yes, the clone host fake politicians have been planning for this for decades. Ronald Reagan turned a $1 trillion Federal debt into $6 trillion at the end of his Administration. Much like W in Iraq, this served to terminate the favor of a group of people. Reagan just didn't have to do it with violence as W did, but he did do it against white people, which says something.
I believe in killing, non-reincarnation:::The only way Planet Earth will achieve sustainability is if we "take out the trash" and the gods allow the most disfavored among us to be eliminated. The bouy is sinking, social decay is becoming ruinous and unless it begins to rise to the surface the gods will get their way and life will end on Planet Earth.

Anonymous said...


I want to remind you all of the problem of 10 year-old prepubescent girls being prostituted in the inner cities of America.
Why is it I am the only person who has any urgency to stop this?:::Because it is deliberate!!! The gods will give them all the rope they need.

There was a very real perception that bi-racial was much worse for the white than it was for the person of color. The liberal culture, which was designed and promoted with the god's tools to achieve their Apocalyptic goals, screamed racism when there was a very reasonable explanation for this reality::::
In this white punishment known as the United States the person of color has already adopted the disfavors/temptations intended for another race. But by associating/mating with a person of color the white is newly adopting the disfavors of another culture.
And this is the reason why people of color are not welcome in the United States. The gods control everything:::The perception they want to create, the thoughts they want you to have.
People of color can't recover from absorbing the temptations from two cultures. And why they become more and more like so many blacks in America:::Veterans at absorbing the temptations of two cultures.
To further illustrate this is why California's educational system/funding was ranked #1 when California was white:::Education being the basis of the affluent economic system. Now even public higher education has become unaffordable.

The gods placed us all into our own corners of the globe. As such for thousands of years we spent time and reproduced with out own kind.
This is why mobilty/travel, biracial unions/offspring and partaking of other cultures is a sin::::
Each has it's own elements of disfavor, and by experiencing other cultures you are being exposed to these disfavors, which if people may adopt will make their state even worse than prior.
The United States has been considered a "melting pot" where rejects from around the world were sent when kicked out of their motherland.
Remember, this concept of cultural diversity is an element of the liberal platform the gods used to promote societal decay, revealed on the map with the "beast" that is the SanFranciscoBayArea and the spread of social deterioration that spread to the rest of the country and eventually to the entire globe.

Ronald Reagan spent the communist block into submission with defense buildup, and in the process increased the National debt from $1 trillion in 1980 to $6 trillion when he left office.
W charged both the Iraq and Afghanistan wars to the national debt, honest numbers to come.
The gods used W to initiate the "Great Recession" with deliberate legislation/regulation changes, allowing the sub-prime fiasco and corporate irresponsibility/criminal behavior which led to the multi-trillion dollar stimulous package, pocketted by Republican friends and donors::::$5 trillion charged to the National credit card.
This corruption is one element of evil in the party of good. War mongering is another.
Damned if you do, Damned if you don't::::With the Democrats you subscribe to social decay via liberlism, which WILL lead to the Apocalypse. Republicans are being used by the gods to bankrupt the United States, ultimately motivating people to the point of "desperation prayer" once anarchy presides::::Punishment designed to correct your behavior.

The gods behave monsterously in the course of managing Planet Earth but they demand people be good if you are to have a chance to ascend in a future life.
Not only is doing the right things important (praying, attoning for your sins, thinking the right way:::accepting humility, modesty, vulnerability), so is avoiding the wrong things important as well:::"Go and sin no more".

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